Friday, April 1, 2022

Apparently, nothing is inconceivable!

Update, April 2: I suppose this is conceivable, and if this book were unearthed, I'd love to read it...but for now, it exists only in my April 1 imagination.

For more silliness (for a cause even better than fooling people), check out Parodies for Charities

For immediate release

New York, NY – Guilder Press has uncovered a previously unknown manuscript by “S. Morgenstern,” the penname used by the late author William Goldman for the wildly popular The Princess Bride (1973) and the lesser-known cult classic The Silent Gondoliers (1983). The manuscript was among the papers of Goldman’s editor. “He must’ve been planning to read it, but you know how busy publishing gets,” said a staff member who’d been helping to clear out the office as the company returns to in-person work.

The manuscript, titled THE SPINLESS WHEELS, tells the story of Moe, the greatest driver since the invention of the automobile, who is denied the opportunity to use his talents by a traffic jam on I-95 in New Jersey, and his quest along with the other stopped drivers around him to pass the time and, eventually, to get things moving again. Guilder Press offers a sneak peek at the opening:

Traffic scientists disagree as to which was the worst traffic jam in history. After all, how does one define worst? General consensus is that duration and number of vehicles are the most important elements, but should they be the only ones considered? Do weather conditions or overall misery count, and if so, how much? Those in the duration camp cite the ten-day China National Highway 110 traffic jam, while for weather-watchers, the August Florida Foul-Up wins hands down. For misery, you can’t beat the Wine Country Wind-Up, given the state of the passengers’ collective bladders.

But whatever their metrics, all agree on this: they would not have wanted to be on I-95 in New Jersey on the day Moe Torist set out.

The release date is yet to be determined, said the staffer, citing a paper supplier stuck in traffic.

P.S. See the Horn Book's Out of the Box blog for another piece of exciting literary news!